Into hot air

Ever since I read Into Thin Air, by Jon Krakauer, I've been fascinated by the sport of high-altitude mountain climbing; and being the voracious reader that I am, I've done lots of reading on the subject. Through my endeavors, I've learned a good deal about how the human body handles life at altitude. For example:

• The higher you climb, the fewer oxygen molecules you take in with each breath; consequently, your body - including your brain - functions less efficiently. In other words, you become progressively less intelligent as you climb the mountain.
• Due to the limited oxygen to your brain, your decision-making capability can be severely impaired; hundreds of people have died (or nearly died) trying to summit high-altitude mountains because their fever to summit overrode their ability to recognize that it was time to turn around.
• There are two serious illnesses that can strike even the most skilled climbers, and both illnesses can kill you very quickly if you don't immediately descend to lower altitude.
• Above 26,000 feet, even if you are breathing supplemental oxygen, your body is in a constant state of hypoxia, and is incapable of even rudimentary functions such as digestion; this altitude is known as The Death Zone because you are, in essence, dying every moment you remain above that altitude.
• If you were to be magically transported from sea level to the summit of Mount Everest (over 29,000 feet above sea level) without first acclimatizing to the altitude, you'd die in a matter of minutes.

Knowing what I do about altitude and its impact on the human body, I have to ask: why? Why? For the love of all that's good and pure in the world, WHY do so many executives insist on using altitude-speak? I get that what they're actually saying is that they're looking at the big picture; nevertheless, when I hear an executive say that she's looking at something from the 30,000-foot level, my first thought is, "So you're saying that your brain is currently functioning at the same level as that of the average toddler?"

On second thought, perhaps there is something to that litle joke: based on the overwhelming responses to such blogfamous posts as Pamela Slim's Open Letter to CxOs and Bob Sutton's upcoming book, The No Asshole Rule, I have to wonder if perhaps we can make some correlation between climbing Mount Everest and climbing the org chart. Could it be that, as you climb higher in a corporation, there's less oxygen available? Could it be that, the closer you get to the summit, the less intelligent you become? Are there similar high-altitude illnesses that affect executives? Really, haven't we all occasionally read about an executive in the news (or worse, worked for one!) who made us think, "How does s/he manage to get out of bed in the morning, let alone run a business?"

If my discussions with regular folks (read: not CxOs) are any indication, there's an epidemic of poor judgement at the top of the organizational summit pyramid. We have corruption (Enron), treating employees like indentured servants (Home Depot), and even firing people via e-mail (Radio Shack). What's going on here? Well, I've done some thinking on the subject, and I have come up with a theory:

Just as high-altitude mountaineers must watch out for High Altitude Cerebral Edema (HACE) and High Altitude Pulmonary Edema (HAPE), there are previously unnamed disorders that can strike executives without warning. Because I like to wrap up concepts neatly, I've named them for you below:

• HALE (High Altitude Lemming Executosis): HALE is a particularly frightening disorder, because its early symptoms (asking for, and acting on, feedback from subordinates) mimic the characteristics of a good leader. However, as HALE progresses, the afflicted executive becomes unable to make a decision on his own. Soon, he begins aimlessly shifting from one initiative to the next, based on the latest recommendations he's received. Eventually, HALE victims find themselves spending ridiculous sums of money hiring consultants to make the decisions that they themselves can no longer make.
• HAPE (High Altitude Paranoid Executosis): HAPE strikes executives that are leading companies through troubled times; executives suffering from HAPE begin to second-guess every request, comment, and status report. As the disorder progresses, the executive finds herself unwilling to trust anyone, and thus attempts to lead without any feedback from anyone. This can ultimately lead to a situation in which paranoia might not be entirely uncalled for.
• HATE (High Altitude Tyrannical Executosis): Although classified with the other executive disorders, HATE can begin at much lower organizational altitudes; in fact, many mid-level managers suffer from HATE. Just as HACE can render its victims stubborn and unwilling to listen to reason, so can HATE turn a perfectly good manager into a despot. The executive suffering from HATE thinks that he is above it all; he brooks no disagreement, and is not afraid to use obscenities when he publicly chews out his employees. If you've ever used the phrase "my way or the highway," you might already be developing this disorder.

Tomorrow, I'll share the treatments for these disorders. For now, if you suspect that you may be suffering from one or more of these afflictions, I offer you this advice: come down to sea level before it's too late.