Are you a "How ya doin'?" manager?

Spike Jones of Brains on Fire writes this post about products and services that are "How ya doin'?" entities. What does that mean? Well, how many times have you passed someone in the hall at the office, and exchanged the typical pleasantries: "Hey, how are ya?" "Fine, thanks." And then, you keep on walking (and sometimes, even if the response is, "I'm having the worst day of my life!", you keep going for a bit before you realize what the answer was - because you weren't really asking at all). How many times have you responded, "Fine, thanks" even though you were in turmoil? It's a reflex; there's no real conversation there.

There was a Seinfeld episode (I believe it was "The Marine Biologist") in which Kramer barged into Jerry's apartment to find Jerry and George standing in the kitchen chatting. Kramer enthusiastically asked, "Who's ready to have some fun?" Both Jerry and George responded in the affirmative. Kramer then asked, "Are you really ready to have some fun, or are you just saying you're ready to have some fun?" Jerry responded, "I'm really ready to have some fun." George responded, "I'm just saying I'm ready to have some fun."

We've all done that; we've said we're fine when we're heartbroken; we've said that everything's just hunky-dory when we're on the verge of tears. We do that because we figure nobody really wants to hear the truth. And sometimes, we're right. But I got to thinking that this superficial type of interaction can be toxic to our professional relationships.

If you expect to be a good manager (or employee, or colleague), you need to try and break that habit. Each interaction has within it the opportunity to build a relationship - but only if you take that opportunity. Granted, you don't need to turn every greeting into a full-blown conversation. But take the time to make eye contact, smile, and really interact. Don't just say, "How are you?" Ask how the family is doing; ask about the sick dog you heard about. Show that you actually care. And you really do care, don't you? Because you should.

The people who report to you will, in many cases, be reluctant to share their grievances with you. Your employees need to believe that you care about their well-being; and if you're a "How ya doin'?" manager, you send the subtle message that you really don't care. It's your job to remove the roadblocks to their free speech, because you can't help fix a problem that you don't know about. And if an employee does come to you to express some dissatisfaction, you have to accept the feedback graciously - just as you would if the feedback came from the CEO (I'll write about taking - and giving - feedback in an upcoming entry).

We spend a lot of time at work; in fact, we probably have more face-time with our colleagues than we do with our families. Imagine how different corporate life would be if we were to make it a habit to interact with everyone in a real, meaningful way.

Go ahead and keep asking, "How ya doin'?" But from now on, really listen for the answer.